BEAT THE COUCH · THE DAILY ARCHIVE · DEALT SEP 10, 2026

Day 61 · The QE Bull, Taper Tantrums Included

THE SECRET WINDOW: JAN 29, 2013 TO JAN 28, 2015 · 504 TRADING DAYS

On September 10, 2026 everyone who opened the game got the same secret two years: January 29, 2013 to January 28, 2015, the QE bull, taper tantrums included. The couch bought on day one, never sold, and turned $10,000 into $13,870 (+38.7%). 8% of the players who tried beat it.

THE COUCH'S $10,000, DAY BY DAY, REAL DAILY DATA

$10,000 START $13,870 Jan 29, 2013 Jan 28, 2015

What the couch did

ENDED WITH$13,870 (+38.7%)
WORST DRAWDOWN-7% by Oct 15, 2014
WORST SINGLE DAY-2.5% Jun 20, 2013
BEST SINGLE DAY+2.4% Dec 18, 2014
CASH INSTEAD (T-BILLS)+0.1%

The era

The QE bull, taper tantrums included. The US lost its AAA rating in August 2011, Europe wobbled, and in 2013 the Fed hinted at slowing its bond buying and markets threw a tantrum. The market kept climbing through all of it.

THE EXHIBIT: THE QE BULL, TAPER TANTRUMS INCLUDED. EVERYONE WHO PLAYED WAS THERE.

What the players did

BEAT THE COUCH8.0%
  WITH CERTIFIED SKILL4.0%
  BY LUCK4.0%
COUCH WINS76.0%
DEAD HEAT4.0%
ENLIGHTENED (TOUCHED NOTHING)12.0%
MEDIAN RESULT vs THE COUCH-9.5%
MEDIAN TRADES5
MEDIAN TIME IN MARKET58%

The read

A rising market, which is where timing goes to die. Only 8% of players beat the couch, and the median player finished 9.5% behind it. Every day in cash was a day the couch got paid for sitting still.

Player figures count every official and replayed attempt at this exact hand filed on the day it was dealt, from the run export of October 31, 2026. A win counts as SKILL only if it beats 90% of 1,000 monkeys replaying the same window with the same trade count and the same time in the market. Across the whole ledger the couch wins 62% of 120,800 games.

Play the past handthe same two years everyone got on Sep 10, 2026. Free, no signup. No streak, no standings: filed as a REPLAY.

Or play today's hand. It stays secret until tomorrow.

Frequently asked

What was the Beat the Couch daily hand on September 10, 2026?

Day 61 dealt the two years from January 29, 2013 to January 28, 2015, the QE bull, taper tantrums included. A couch that bought on day one and never sold turned $10,000 into $13,870 (+38.7%).

How often did players beat the couch on day 61?

8.0% of the players who filed the hand beat the couch. 4.0% passed the 1,000-monkey skill audit; the rest of the winners were stamped LUCKY.

Can I still play the day 61 hand?

Yes. The past hand button deals the exact same window. It is filed as a replay: it does not touch your streak, the daily standings or the public ledger.

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Not financial advice. The couch is not licensed for anything.