BEAT THE COUCH · OFFICIAL PAPERWORK
EFFECTIVE: JULY 24, 2026
BEAT THE COUCH is a market timing game. This policy covers the website (beatthecouch.com) and the BEAT THE COUCH app on Reddit. Short version: we keep score, not files on you.
Gameplay statistics. When you finish a game, we record the outcome: the game mode, the day number, your return versus the couch, your number of trades, your time in the market, the verdict, and a random identifier for that game. None of this contains your name, email address, or anything that identifies you personally.
On the website, gameplay records are anonymous. Your streak, badges, and history live only in your own browser's storage, on your device.
On Reddit, the app stores your daily streak and your day's verdict against your Reddit user ID, using Reddit's own app storage, so that your streak survives across devices. We see your Reddit user ID as an opaque identifier provided by Reddit. We never see your email address or password.
On the website you can, if you choose, sign in with Google so the couch remembers you. This is entirely optional; the game is identical without it. When you sign in we receive and store your email address, your name, and an opaque Google account identifier. Google confirms your email is verified; we never see your Google password, and we ask for no other Google data.
Signing in stores your game record on our server: your career statistics, daily streak, and challenge record, so that it follows you across devices instead of living in one browser. We may also use your email address to write to you about BEAT THE COUCH itself: the app launch and closely related product news. No newsletters, no marketing partners, no drip campaigns, and you can switch mail off in the Mailroom while keeping the account.
Sign-in sessions are signed tokens stored in your own browser. We store no passwords anywhere, because there are none.
No passwords, no payment details, no contacts, no location, no advertising identifiers. An email address is stored only if you explicitly hand it to us in the Mailroom, and it leaves our records the moment you press DELETE EVERYTHING.
The website uses Google Analytics (which sets cookies) and Cloudflare Web Analytics (which does not) to understand aggregate traffic. The Reddit app contains no analytics and sets no cookies.
Google's sign-in script loads only if and when you open the Mailroom, never before. Until you open that door, nothing on the page talks to Google's sign-in service.
The Reddit app can post a score comment or join the subreddit for you, but only when you press a button that says exactly that, and never automatically. Comments post under your Reddit username and can be deleted by you like any comment.
We do not sell, rent, or trade any data. Aggregate, anonymous statistics (such as "the couch has won 68% of all games") are displayed publicly in the game's ledger. Infrastructure providers that process data on our behalf: Cloudflare (hosting and database), Reddit (the Reddit app's storage), Google (sign-in, only if you use it), and an email delivery service when the launch letter is actually sent.
Anonymous gameplay records are kept to maintain the public ledger. Reddit streak data is kept while the app is installed. Mailroom accounts are kept until you delete them: press DELETE EVERYTHING in the Mailroom and your email address, name, and account are removed from our database immediately, not "within 30 business days." For your Reddit streak data, or any privacy question, write to lucky@beatthecouch.com. The couch reads everything, slowly, but we answer.
The game is a general audience product about losing to furniture. It is not directed at children under 13, and we knowingly collect no personal data from children. The Mailroom is for grown-ups who want mail from furniture.
If this policy changes, the new version is posted here with a new effective date.
BEAT THE COUCH · beatthecouch.com · lucky@beatthecouch.com